Christmas Canon

Christmas Canon by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Love it.

I admit to not knowing much about the group or how I feel about a lot of their rock-themed Christmas music...but this piece has just stolen my heart and is now my 2009 Christmas favorite. I can't help it. If anyone has a favorite Christmas piece that they think can rival this one, please share it...because I LOVE CHRISTMAS MUSIC (and unashamedly listen to it for a week in March, July, September, then the whole months of November and December). :D

The video is available on YouTube, but the embedding feature has been disabled, so here is the URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cP26ndrmtg

...if that doesn't work, then just search for it on YouTube...but don't watch the rock version.

Ever After

So, this morning started out CRAZY! I was late getting started this morning--and this week is my crazy week anyway...I have to be at the hospital before 8am every day for IVIG until about noon, then I run the 40 miles over to work to close the store every day, so I'm not left much time to do anything else (my poor house just won't get cleaned :). And this morning, I was feeling a little stressed trying to get started.

On the way to Dothan, I heard Carrie Underwood's Ever Ever After...and I just de-stressed instantly. :D Thank you, Carrie.

I can't turn back time. I can't stretch it out or produce more of it than I have been given...all I can do is utilize what I have as wisely as I can and let everything else take care of itself. And NOT WORRY about it. And if my house doesn't get as cleaned as often as I'd like it to--it won't matter much since I'm not gonna be there much this week, anyway. :D

I want to share the lyrics to this song--may we all just let ourselves believe and not get in the way of our dreams.

Ever Ever After

Storybook ending, fairy tales coming true

Deep down inside, we want to believe they still do

In our secrestest heart, it's our favorite part of the story

Let's just admit we all want to make it to:

Ever ever after

If we just don't get in our own way

Ever ever after

It may only be a wish away

Start a new fashion, wear your heart on your sleeve

Sometimes you reach what's real just by making believe

Unafraid, unashamed

There is joy to be claimed in this world

You even might wind up being glad to be you

Ever ever after

Though the work will tell you it's not smart

Ever ever after

The world can be yours if you let your heart

Believe in ever after

No wonder your heart feel it's flying

Your head feels it's spinning

Each happy ending's a brand new beginning

Let yourself be enchanted, you just might break through

To ever ever after

Forever could even start today

Ever ever after

Maybe it's just one wish away

Your ever ever after

Sometimes

Sometimes life isn't fair...okay, life really isn't ever fair. But it's still

beautiful. :D

Sometimes all it takes to realize that having a prednisone-induced moon face for a few months isn't the end of the world is driving down a beautiful deserted back road in AL late at night and being overcome by the beauty of a full moon shining over the tree tops. Then feeling grateful for God's gift of modern medicine.

Sometimes people surprise you...and sometimes you surprise yourself. Take it all in stride.

Sometimes all it takes is a good bubble bath and pink-and-white-

striped-super-fuzzy toe socks to make life good again.

Sometimes crazy is okay.

*3:45am; Black Friday 2009; in line at Kohls

Everything idon't--DROID does.

Here he is: Everyone--meet ERIS. HTC DROID ERIS, to be exact. He is officially the new love of my life.

GOOGLE+Verizon+HTC= Coolest Operating System EVER.

Virtually sync everything Google.
Open Development.
"There's a map for that."
Android Market for all the coolest apps.

I can't, just can't, express the awesomeness that is ERIS. Ever since I touched him for the first time, I just had to hold him.

STOP BY A LOCAL VERIZON and play...you'll love him, too.

http://www.pcworld.com/reviews/product/331988/review/droid_eris.html

http://www.htc.com/us/product/droideris/specification.html

Naman

So the treatments got easier as the week went on...the nurse said I probably needed it so badly that the first couple of days my body just wanted to sleep and recover. But hopefully it will help me feel better--of course, now that I don't have to be rushed like a crazy person between hospital and work all day every day, I will be able to rest a little more and hopefully see more improvement. :)

Mr. PICC and I are getting along better, but I will have to admit--I have a new love in my life. When I get a picture, I'll post about him...by Monday at the latest. :)

IVIG

"So when the nurse-of-many-years asks to put an IV in your hand and you request it in your forearm because you think it'll be more convenient to wear to work the next day, you should've listened, Jess. Because now, you have a huge bruise in your forearm AND an IV in your hand."

This is what I was thinking yesterday. Today I'm thinking--"man, that giant sore spot that used to house intact veins in my hand hurts, but not nearly so much as the PICC line they started today."

Okay--so my neurologist in Birmingham FINALLY (3 weeks late) convinced my local neurologist (that hard-headed man) to read his orders and start IVIG therapy this week. Well--the experience has been unique. I get to spend 4 hours every morning this week at the hospital and as I shared a bit before: the IV situation has been a fiasco. But I've survived two days and now have the PICC line (a semi-permanent IV site that threads into your heart but looks like an IV imbedded in your upper arm) for subsequent days and months.

Even though they don't know exactly what's wrong or what's causing my body to malfunction, Dr. Oh is trying a treatment that involves a high dose of steroids along with this IVIG. The Prednisone is an immunosuppressant and the IVIG is just immunoglobulins gathered from multiple donors. If I understand correctly, this should keep my body from producing the harmful self-attacking antibodies and flood my system with good donor antibodies which will destroy all antibodies my body produces, both good and bad. This should, hopefully, allow my body to kind of restart building my immune system from scratch when it's all over. Is there anybody medically minded out there who has a better understanding? A little enlightenment would be nice... :)

Anyway, so this has been a tough week. But I have faith that, eventually, this will all work out for the best and I can return to good health...it's a shame how much I took my health for granted when I had it.

But I'm still surviving...although it feels like I just barely make it some days. :D My baby sister wants me to go with her to the Peanut Festival tomorrow evening--and I'm gonna make that happen even if it kills me. I want, for at least one day this week, a sense of normalcy back in my life.

...and then the silver lining comes out...

Just when life is getting to you and you're beginning to wonder.....God takes pity and cracks a window for you to get some fresh air. :)

Some of my friends are coming to visit. Yay.

Feeling vs. Being

So, there is definitely a difference between FEELING better and BEING better. For example, when one feels better about something, they tend to think they are better and may act foolishly. Or they may temporarily become short-sighted and do something detrimental to the process of actually getting better...because they feel better.

On the other hand, if you are getting better, but don't feel better...are you really getting better? Isn't part of the healing process feeling better?

Even though I know that sugar is bad for me right now, I couldn't resist those chocolate-covered strawberries...you see, I was feeling better and feeling better led me to believe maybe I was getting better. Oops.

Even though I've worked really hard to draw closer to the Lord and use His strength to help me heal...and I've been more at peace in my life lately, it's just too easy to pour out of the pitcher of spiritual reserve and think "I'll refill it soon." Until one time you reach for it, it's depleted. Oil is earned drop by drop. Fill the lamp daily. There is no excuse. Feeling better all too often causes well, me at least, to become lax.

And knowing something is going to happen and preparing yourself for it emotionally isn't the same as being prepared emotionally. Walking in on a lunch date with him and the new girlfriend in the break room at work. Not prepared for that. But okay with it, surprisingly. More sad about the resulting loss of the friendship.

So, I can't decide. Is feeling better before you are getting better a good thing? Any opinions or advice?

And then there's Pixie. She loves me anyway. Always listens. Always needs me and is always there. Can't wait to curl up in my lap. Finds any excuse possible to give me kisses. Dogs truly are man's best friend.

*This is her not now, mom face.

FALL

"Up North, you know it's Fall when the leaves change...in the South, you just look for the dust from the peanut harvest." That's what the radio said this morning... :D FALL has FINALLY come to Alabama and I'm so excited! I had to light the furnace last night and I was just giddy.

And at the end of the month, we have the National Peanut Festival and I can't wait! I haven't been to a peanut festival in 6 years due to having relocated for a while--I think I was a senior in high school last time I got to go...definitely long overdue.

www.nationalpeanutfestival.com

A Friend

I made a friend today. I was just thinking yesterday as I prepared to go shopping that I wish I had someone I could call to just go with me--how marvelous it would be if I had some friends down here. I mean, I love my family and I consider them friends, but I think you all know what I mean. I need some social interaction with people my age.

At choir today, I sat next to a woman with a beautiful new baby and we shared music. As we chatted, we discovered that we get along really well. We actually have mutual friends from Minnesota--random, huh? She knows them from home and I know them from BYU. Her husband and I both majored in Spanish and she was just thinking how nice it would be to meet someone her own age from the area. She and her husband are here with the military.

I made a friend today. :D I think I will take her a cute little outfit next week for her beautiful new baby.

Journal

It's been a while...I've been changing a lot of things in my life recently--a total engine overhaul, if you will. :) I've been writing in my journal regularly and I've neglected my blog.

So much has happened since my last silly post that I don't even know how to begin...I think I'll just simply state that life was dark. The past few months have simply been a blur. BUT life is beautiful again. Wounds have been cleansed, treated and band-aided. Healing is marvelous--both physical, emotional and spiritual.

I feel like I have a new lease on life--a new life. I'm still figuring things out and learning and changing and adapting and it's all-consuming. New life is happier, brighter, simpler, peaceful.

I am grateful.

NO!!!!!!

I CAN'T BELIEVE that the price of mp3s has increased to...

$1.29

PER SONG!!!!!

This is just impossible. infuriating. heinous.

What has the world come to?

Hilarious

I know most of you have already seen this, but I just love it. I mean, every time I see it, I laugh out loud. :D So, for everyone who speaks at least one semester of Spanish, ENJOY.

Football

In case any of you don't know me very well...or at least didn't know I love college football---I LOVE COLLEGE FOOTBALL! :)

About a month ago, I was having lunch at work with a friend--in Beef O' Brady's (local sports bar). And it just hit me. Like a ton of bricks: football season starts soon! I screamed, I think upon my realization and Kwanza looked at me like I was insane. lol

I watched last week and when BYU beat Oklahoma, it made my weekend. I mean, all weekend I would just randomly say: BYU won. They did it. They beat a top 10 school. And then I would just grin. AND to top off the awesome weekend, Alabama won, too.

So I was sitting here wondering what to do with the rest of my day and it hit me: I have TWO football games to watch. :) BYU at 2:30 and Alabama at 6. *sigh* could life get any better? On second thought, don't answer that--just let me revel. :D

today

I mopped my floor today. And I can't tell you how proud I am of it. :) I'm sitting on my couch resting and I just keep looing at my very very clean floor. yay.

Nasa Diyos...

Nasa Diyos ang awa
nasa tao ang gawa.

Denotation: Doles out God the grace

Comes from people the works

Connotation: (It's the responsibility of people to work; it's God's place to hand out grace)

Life has good to me over the past few weeks. I had a friend drive all the way from Wisconsin to visit (okay--I wasn't the reason for the trip, but I'm glad he could make time to stop) and he brought another friend from Tallahassee...it was so incredible to get to visit with them. Who would've guessed that we would ever all sit on a pier at a private pond in backwoods Alabama and visit?

Then FALL came. Well, almost. LOVE FALL. Good chance to rediscover myself (I get to do it every fall :). And life is just beautiful in general. Can't really explain why--it just is.

Spend several days contemplating life sitting on the world's most beautiful beaches. Am slowly healing--both emotionally and psychologically.

My very bones ache at the hope that a visit to Julie & Ryan in UT is a possibility in the near future. I want it so much...

General Conference is around the corner. Can't wait.

I'm glad I live here.

I think that instead of spending 15 more years in school chasing my real dream (of being a cardiologist) or spending 7 more years in school settling for being another type of doctor, I'm gonna be a cardiology surgical physician's assistant. Good career. Better choice. Can live contentedly with that decision. In spite of the fact that I'm almost 26 and still single, I really would love to get married and become a wife and mother sometime in the (hopefully) near future. Waiting is hard.

Daily thought: "Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed." ~D&C 123:17

Life is good. Sometimes I forget and have to be reminded. Silly girl.

Glenn Beck

"This is a dangerous time for freedom and liberty in this country." ~Rush Limbaugh

Who is this government that we are letting walk all over our Constitution--just plow through it as though it wasn't even there? It's time to take a stand, America.

The time to hide and watch is over. It's time to stand up and speak out for our freedom. In the words of Captain Moroni "In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children..."* We need to fight.

Stand with me against oppression. Listen to what Glenn Beck has to say on Fox News at 5pm EST today and find out what WE can DO to maintain the liberties fought for and preserved by our Nation's Founding Fathers.

We can make a difference--if we will.

*Alma 46:12

What's up.

Well, I haven't been very forthcoming in passing out information about my life over the last 6 weeks--I didn't really want anyone to worry...

You don't ever really expect to get sick--at least not a sickness that rest, time, and doctors can't fix. But I'm quickly learning that life throws curve balls sometimes. And from a christian standpoint, Satan seems to attack your emotional health at the exact moments you're down physically. That's all I'll say about that.

So, here I am, 6 miserable weeks into some mysterious illness that no one can explain. I'm suffering from dry mouth, inability to swallow food, inability to digest food, uncontrollable bowels and bladder, extreme fatigue with muscle weakness, and inability to control my muscles as I should be able to.

The worse symptom, I think, is the eyes. I can't see--and haven't been able to for about 5 weeks now. One day I noticed that they weren't focusing as they should be--then before I knew it, my pupils were permanently dilated. I've since learned that whatever else may be the cause, the result, as least for my eyes is Adie's Syndrome. Ick.

I can't walk well--my muscle coordination is off. I don't have the energy to walk hardly more that 30 steps at any one time and I can barely get up the 3 steps into my house.

Essentially--in 6 weeks, I have been transformed from a healthy running-with-my-dog, jumping-my-horse, sailing-with-my-boyfriend, 25 year old into an 85 year old with the vision of a 70 year old. I mean, really, my 86 year old grandmother has more stamina these days than I do. Shameful. I wear contacts for distance and reading glasses for up close and still can't see well in the middle.

In the past 6 weeks, I have been to 11 doctors ranging from general practicioners to super-specialists; these 11 have conferred with at least 7 others. They have taken 30 vials of blood in the past 10 days; during my 5 day hospital stay, I had these tests run: MRI, MRA, MRV of brain; x-rays of chest and abdomen; modified barium swallow; EMG nerve conductivity study; ultrasound of my heart; spinal tap (YUCK to the required 24 hours lay flat period following that one) and PFTs (pulmonary function tests). I was treated by neurology, radiology, cardiology, respiratory therapy, speech therapy, and physical therapy.

And nobody knows anything. Tests are normal. We have a long, extensive list of what it's NOT including: HIV positive, syphilis, MS, Guillian-Barre, Eppstein-Barr.

I need Dr. House.

I am currently undergoing a 5 day super-intense treatment with Solumedrol via IV. That, in itself, is bad enough. They tell me there is a 50/50 chance that this will help a little. Maybe give me a little energy until more tests come back. Conclusion: Steroids are Bad.

In an attempt not to weigh down this blog anymore, I'll be writing more in depth about this at my other blog: akingsalaysay.blogspot.com. *

*we don't know if it's miller-fisher syndrome, but the symptoms seem to fit better than anything else I've researched thus far...

Guess so, then.

Well--you've been avoiding me. And that made it really easy to imagine that things are fine--just fine and dandy. I've had my head wrapped around so many other things recently that I just let it go and in the "never never land" existence that is my psyche, things were great. I kept inviting you over just expecting you to hold my hand and help me--without any drama. Just be there. Let the troubles of tomorrow take care of themselves. Yea, right.

So you finally came today. And we talked. And I guess it really is over. Huh. How shall I stand thinking about what I lost in you? How shall I survive watching you date other people? It's not like I have anywhere to run...

I can promise to TRY to be friends. But I can't promise that I'll be nice all the time--especially when I see you doing things with her that we should be doing: like playing at the beach and scuba diving and visiting Utah and going to the peanut festival...argh.

I was content being single--I had accepted my lot in life. Then you came along and ruined that for me...now what do I do?

okay then

i didn't text or call you last night--and I felt stronger today. Then you told me that you don't accept that I broke up with you...and you introduced yourself as my boyfried several times. i didn't stop you. i still love you. telling you once that i don't think we'll work out almost killed me. how in the world can i have to tell you over and over 'cause you choose not to accept it? i still love you. and i think it's romantic that you won't give up. i guess things could go back to how they were...with the understanding that we can't ever marry each other. is that enough for us?

an attempt at some comic relief

Thanks, mom. I love you, too.

read some blogs. reminders of things I'll never do with you. crying harder. maybe Kwanza's right. but I don't think so. stupid stupid self.

today.

Today--I saw you. And you even smiled a little. Then you were hurt. and angry. and a little mean. I was mean, too. human nature = fight fire with fire. I'm sorry. I still can't breathe. Being home is too hard. going out is harder. considering moving. temporary transfer. utah hopefully. distance would be good. not practical. need jules.

people keep asking if I'm okay--and what can I say, "no, I'm dying." so of course I say yes. But that's a lie. blindness is worse. don't know why. still don't blame you. wish you happiness. may not be able having to see it though. sleep is good. wish you well in tournament tonight.

you

You don't read by blog--and today I'm grateful for that.

I can't breathe. I can't even think. And I feel incredibly panicked every time I think of you. I have picked up my phone at least a hundred times today and I've even considered running to the store to make sure you're okay. I don't want you to hurt--that's not fair. One minute I wish you'd answer my text and then I fear you will. So I just sit. and cry. and hope I'll feel okay some day. I miss you.

America the Beautiful

America the Beautiful

Words by Katharine Lee Bates,

Melody by Samuel Ward

Oh, beautiful for spacious skies,

For amber waves of grain,

For purple mountain majesties

Above the fruited plain!

America! America!

God shed his grace on thee

And crown thy good with brotherhood

From sea to shining sea!

Oh, beautiful for pilgrim feet

Whose stern, impassioned stress

A thoroughfare of freedom beat

Across the wilderness!

America! America!

God mend thine every flaw,

Confirm thy soul in self-control,

Thy liberty in law!

Oh, beautiful for heroes proved

In liberating strife,

Who more than self their country loved

And mercy more than life!

America! America!

May God thy gold refine

Till all success be nobleness

And every gain divine!

Oh, beautiful for patriot dream

That sees beyond the years

Thine alabaster cities gleam

Undimmed by human tears!

America! America!

God shed his grace on thee

And crown thy good with brotherhood

From sea to shining sea!

I have always loved the fourth of July--it's my favorite holiday. I was slightly saddened this year by hearing the people I love talk about not even acknowledging the holiday because they are upset with the current leadership of this nation. Well, let me tell you something. This land we have today was fought for valiantly--it was won by blood, sweat, & tears. Every inch of American soil was purchased by the shedding of blood by every man who fought and/or died for our independence and we need never forget that.

I am so grateful that I live in America. I have visited and lived in other countries and while I appreciate what I learned there, nothing compares to the freedoms that we enjoy as Americans. It's time we acknowledged them and fought for them--against anyone who might try to take them away from us. But don't ever, EVER tell me that America is no longer a great place to live because I know that that is a lie. I love you, America. God Bless the USA.

life

Why does life consist of so much heartache? Oh yea...because it was never meant to be easy. It was meant to be difficult--to stretch us and provide opportunities for growth so we can become our best selves. As Elder Holland put it: how can I expect to be a disciple of the Savior if I don't ever experience any of the agony that He experienced here on earth. Because when life if hard and our heart is broken, we listen better to the faint godly whisperings of the Spirit. Oh yea--that's why.

Yum.

After work yesterday, Danny and I went to my friend Donna's house to make homemade jelly. :) It was SO MUCH FUN! Those of you who know me know that I am a true country girl at heart and I love nothing more than warm homemade bread with homemade jelly on it. Mmm.

So, I've been picking blackberries and peaches for about a week now--just saving them for the momentous day that I'd get to turn them into something incredibly delicious. :D That day was yesterday. AND, Donna had lots of fresh red plums (my favorite homemade jelly) and blueberries. So we made 4 batches of scrumptious yumminess that I now need to find a place in my oh-so-tiny trailer to store. lol.

It was the perfect ending, I think, to a good father's day. Danny and I had dinner before we went over to make jelly and I had him tell me about his boys Tony and David--they seem like great kids, but I may not ever actually get to meet them...I'm such a chicken; I might just buy a plane ticket and run to UT before they get here. lol.

Of course.

So, my company sent me to Montgomery to attend a Stress Management training course today--it was INCREDIBLE! I got to stay in a really great hotel, then take an awesome course. I didn't learn anything about stress that I didn't already know, but I realized that sometimes when you get bogged down in the middle of something and stress is all around you, it's hard to remember to take a step back and realize that YOU can change your attitude and, consequently, your stress level. It was great.

We also studied something published by Wilson Learning. I don't know what it's called, but it's a grid that you can chart people on based on personality. It's great! And it works. :) Everyone I know fits somewhere: there are four classifications which are AMIABLES, ANALISTS, DRIVERS, & EXPRESSIVES. These are qualiifed by four things which are: ask and tell & people and tasks. This was so enlightening. I am an Expressive. Danny is an Amiable. This is why we get along so well--I'm loud and opinionated and need validation and attention while he just is nice and wants everyone to be happy...and he treats me like a queen. :) This is why we're good together. I learned how to learn how to get along with everyone by classifying them and then treating them how they need to be treated. Wow. This is so effective. lol. For example: Becca is an Expressive. Ant is an Expressive. Angie is an Analyst; Ben is a Driver; Kristi is an Expressive; Hugh is an Analyst; etc.

Anyway, if you want some good learning, buy this class and take it... definitely worth every penny.

HI

I FINALLY have reliable internet service--I bought a Netbook from Verizon Wireless and I absolutely love it. :) yay. Another problem that I have is that it's been so long since I've kept a blog that I think I've forgotten how. I sit here and can't think of a thing to say even though I really have been living for the past few months...

I'll start with a big CONGRATULATIONS to Krista and Taylor on a long-awaited engagement.

CONGRATS to Tyler for graduating Med school. HANG IN THERE Becca for just a few more weeks. :) I hope you simply adore California.

Congrats to Ant, Ben and Angie for a successful trip to Ireland--at least, I think it was a success...you all survived, right? :)

Congrats to Hugh and Kristi for moving across the country with a baby.

And CONGRATS to everyone that graduated this semester.

I don't konw what to say about me--I have a lot to work out, but here's my life in a nutshell:

I'm dating an incredible puerto rican who pastors a non-denominational church here in town. I'm spending lots of time at my beloved beach. I work like a demon to pay off debts. I feel like time has just kind of stopped and I live in a time warp. Guys--I don't know where to begin to pick up communication again with lots of y'all...but don't give up on me--I'm gonna try.

Mahals,
Jess

sad day.

I feel like I may have dropped off the face of the earth--I haven't had internet in 2 months. I haven't read blogs, I barely facebook (it's not convenient from my phone) and my email is stagnating. Well, when the time comes that I have a couple hundred dollars to spare, I will have one of Verizon Wireless' netbooks and I will have constant internet access. :) yea--I long for the day.

Since I'm cheating at work and bypassing the filter to access the internet, I should go. I love everyone out in Utah and I've been missing most of y'all most sorely lately. And my friends who went to Ireland need to let me know how that went. :D

Mahal ko kayo,
Jess

Amen.

A SIMPLE ANALOGY from a Texas Tech University professor:

An economics professor at Texas Tech said he had never failed a single student before but had, once, failed an entire class. That class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer. The professor then said OK, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism.

All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A. After the first test the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy.

But, as the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too; so they studied little. The second test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around the average was an F.

The scores never increased as bickering, blame, name calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.

All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great; but when government takes all the reward away; no one will try or want to succeed.


It could NOT be any simpler than that...

The Best Prank in the World

I know I haven't posted in a while...lots to say, limited internet. This is great! Just watch their faces.... :D

Lime Green Pants

I have this pair of pants: they are lime green--I mean, you can see them for miles around, lime green. They weren't expensive and I just bought them one day because they were on sale (once again, I stress the lime-green-ness :)

I purchased these guys back in 2003 and they have been everywhere with me. I have so many memories in them...

• hiking the Wasatch mountains in the dead of night
• being spotted by friends outside of the MTC one P-day
• almost all my adventures from the Philippines happened in them. Seriously, they are in almost all my pictures from the mission....*sigh*
• Jules
• eating ice cream on the love sac in them nursing a broken heart
• loaning them to my friend Rachel when she got was too pregnant to wear jeans

It may sound crazy, but they mean a lot to me...and now I'm sending them to Germany to comfort my friend Sanita on her mission. I think I'll miss them terribly, but I shall be comforted by knowing that they are having their own adventure--and I can have them back in 18 months. :)

*When I talked to Sanita before she left--I got so homesick to be back on a mission, I almost cried several times. I wish I could go back. Again. And again. And again.

Crossing the Bar

I attended my granddaddy's funeral today and as he has been a devout Southern Baptist his whole life, they had a preaching instead of a program. I started thinking about it, and I decided that my favorite poem about passing on is this one listed below. I'm gonna make sure everyone I know knows that I want it read at my funeral one day. If you have a poem that gives you comfort, feel free to share. :)

Crossing the Bar
by Alfred Tennyson

Sunset and evening star,
  And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
  When I put out to sea,

But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
  Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
  Turns again home.

Twilight and evening bell,
  And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
  When I embark;

For though from out our bourne of Time and Place
  The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
  When I have crossed the bar.

Granddaddy

What do you say about a man you've known all your life when he's suddenly taken in a car crash? Well, I'll say that I loved him. And he was a great man. And he had people standing in a line that went out of the building to the curb for his viewing-- this went on for 4 hours. May peace bless his widow. Bye, Granddaddy.

Ugh

I am done. I am sick and tired of being a magnet for boys who are needy. I'm not saying that every guy in my past has been so, just most of them.

And today, I was approached by a very silly girl. She had been complimenting me and I thought she was being silly because she was trying to impress her boyfriend/fiancee/husband (she had introduced him as all 3 during the course of our interaction). She then proceeded to lean over and whisper in my ear. Her question? "Are you bi-sexual? Because you're cute." Oh crap.

Silly bisexual women, stand in line behind all the needy men. I really need to meet someone...

Huxley's New World

Anyone remember reading Brave New World in high school? I liked it...probably because we read it and compared it to 1984, which I thought was scary.

Well, this last week I had an experience. And this book came to mind. Disclaimer: I HAVE given myself 3 days to process this experience and make sure this post isn't a post of passion. I was sitting in a classroom learning. And, in my experience, the best way to learn is to pay attention and ask questions (feel free to correct me if I'm mistaken here). Well, my facilitator told me to quit asking questions because I was wanting to know things that weren't relevant. (If I'm asking questions about my job that were prompted by materials I read in the manual, how in the world is this not relevant?!) Anyway, I was (and am still) outraged and disgusted by the fact that I was told "not everyone exists on the same aptitude level." So what, I should stop inquiring because there may be someone else in the room who can't or doesn't want to understand something? (which I don't think was the case)

I suddenly had flashbacks to BNW and poor Bernard and Helmholtz--persecuted by society for daring to have a mind of their own. I absolutely refuse! to be kept from inquiring about things relevant to my position in the company just because someone (regardless of his title or position) says I should. This might be disastrous in the long run, but behaving any other way would contradict my moral beliefs. Am I being too tenacious about this? What do y'all think?

SNOW!

I can't believe that it snowed today in my hometown--twice! For the second time in my life, white powder has been poured down on the residents of Newton, Alabama. Glory be. :)

Today as I drove in to Columbus, GA for my next week of work, I found myself in a winter wonderland. I can't believe my eyes--there is at least 1.5 inches of snow on the ground. And the cars and the rooftops etc. I was nostalgically reminded of Provo--I miss you guys.

And while I am grateful to be back in Dixie, I admit that I do miss the snow. So, the grass is greener on the other side, always. ;)

A Dream is a Wish...

...your heart makes. :) I had a dream. It consisted of hiking to a waterfall this weekend while I'm trapped in the city. I had done research, I planned the hike, I packed for it etc. And I've been excited for this all week.

So today, I thought I was gonna have time and I was so excited...until I stepped outside into the cold windy weather. My heart fell--then I accepted the fact that my dream will have to wait until next time I'm up here. But here's a picture of the falls so you can all feel sorry for me. :D

The falls lie in the mountains of northern GA. The falls is 729-feet and was named Amicalola by the Cherokee Indians which means "tumbling waters."

Have a marvelous week, guys. Be grateful for life--it's an incredible gift.

:D

I did make it to the temple Tuesday...and it was amazing. :) I'll go again tonight. I didn't know I'd miss it so desperately--the temple acts as my accelerometer--it helps me keeps my head up. :) *Sigh of Contentment*

My hotel offers free bar (which I won't utilize) and free, hot, made-to-order breakfast (which I haven't utilized yet--gotta get up earlier. :) It has a salt water pool and hot tub (just wonderful for your skin) and a 24 hour fitness center. The atrium is gorgeous with fountains and palm trees inside it...my room has 2 digital flatscreen tvs (with a free Nintendo Gamecube) as well as a luscious king-sized bed. I would recommend this place to anybody, anytime...except that you have to pay for wifi--$10.00 per 24 hours. I mean, really. Even McDonalds and Holiday Inn

offers free wifi. Seriously, that is my only complaint.

My training is going well--we were given a 5" binder FULL (and I do mean full) of paperwork and information...i feel like i'm cramming for an exam. :) But today we got to play with lots of the newer models and devices...i like learning how to use them all. I like Windows OS, but I also really like the Blackberry devices. And on the other hand, Palm isn't too difficult to use...i don't know which I'll end up with for my personal phone.

My friend up here won free tickets to see Mark Chestnut tomorrow night, so I'm going with her to that, then my friend Sanita is coming up on Saturday to go through the temple for her mission, so I'll do that, too. :) It's gonna be a good weekend.

Whew

I don't know how many of you know that I got a job. :) Today was my first day of work although it doesn't really feel like work yet: I am in Atlanta for 2 weeks of training. I am being put up in the Embassy Suites hotel, which is a pretty sweet deal by itself, then I am fed and paid wages for my time here. My first thought was, "wow. they sure are spending a lot to send us up here for training...." Now I know why. We are important to them and if they train us properly, we'll stick around longer and save money in the long run.

I am really excited about being a part of this company. I suggest everyone check them out at http://www.flextronics.com/. We have fingers in almost every company out there--at least any company who it technology savvy. I suppose we're just amazing, that's all. :) We lead the world in what we do. We manufacture in over 30 countries and have over 100,000 employees on 5 continents. If you can dream it up, we can make it a reality. Yea, we're that cool.

I felt so backwards and out of place here in this hotel when I got here...i've never stayed some place so nice. :) And you should meet the kids in my class--what a riot! It's so interesting every day. But at least I have my car and my own room...and the BEST PART is that the temple is only a few blocks away! I have desperately missed my temple. And now I can go lots...and I plan to. In order to make up for having to stay inside most of the day and not having any horses to save my sanity, I can go to the temple for that. :) I am content. They were closed today, of course, but you can bet that I'll be there tomorrow.

25 Mga Bagay...

I've been tagged once through my friend's blog (ya got me, Talyn) and by about 3 people on facebook...so I suppose I'll eke out a few random thoughts for ya. =)

1. I should be working, but I'm sitting here holding my mom's VERY pregnant dachshund because I feel sorry for her.

2. I feel the urge to watch after anyone I've ever met, even when doing so is not logical to other people. Ex: I'm gonna make cookies today and deliver them to people I don't even know who have been sick or depressed...like the ward librarian...

3. I am an extremely loyal friend. It's a blessing and a curse. I usually love people more than they love me which I prefer because it means that I am the one hurt and not them.

4. I love to serve others. I will give of myself until there's nothing left to give...then I go home satisfied with life. It's a mindset that not many people understand...but for those of us that do, it's a great way to live.

5. I love my grandma. Do not argue with anything she says...say "yes, ma'am" and get out or I will hurt you. Be respectful.

6. When I live in UT, I like the snow. When I live in AL, I like t-shirts and flip-flops. Go figure.

7. People out West sometimes complain that I don't have a Southern accent...it's because my speaking pattern is easily influenced by the people I live around. Just give me a month or two and I sound native to wherever I'm living.

8. Leaving some of my friends out in UT felt like I was cutting off my right hand. I still haven't fully recovered.

9. I hate onions. And, yes, I can ALWAYS tell that they are there...cooking them doesn't make them disappear. ;)

10. I am slightly OCD. This means I usually do everything myself. And I'm content with that because then I don't have to worry that things won't turn out because they weren't done the way I thought they should have been.

11. I am fiercely protective of my sisters. If you have something to say that's not nice about them: don't.

12. I love living alone. It's marvelous. But I want people close by. The whole "move-to-the-mountains-and-live-alone-9-months-of-the-year" idea is definitely out. :D

13. I will be a doctor someday. And I will travel to underprivileged countries to help the children. I will.

14. I'm surprisingly interested in learning about "going raw." If you know what that means, yay. :)

15. I don't hold grudges. Ever. This means that if I lose my temper with you and then call you in 5 minutes acting like everything's fine, it is. So if I can't understand why you're still upset about something that happened eons ago, I really can't. Let it go. :)

16. I should have entitled this "more than you ever wanted to know about me...."

17. My life is never as interesting as the girl next door's...but that's okay. I love my life.

18. I will visit Mexico, the Philippines, Africa, Cuba, Ireland, Panama, Japan, and many other countries before I die.

19. I try to positively impact someone's life every day.

20. I just remembered that I left water boiling on the stove at home....crap......be right back.....

21. I don't have tv or internet at home (which I still have because my propane stove didn't burn it down even though I left it on for an hour). And I like it.

22. I recently received a calling in my stake. And I feel torn between feeling that it's the right place for me and that I am going to fail miserably.

23. I watch Scrubs and Grey's Anatomy religiously. But I don't let anyone watch them with me because I feel that they aren't appropriate.

24. When I hear about other people's adventures, I always get secretly jealous that they're having cooler experiences than me (right now, that's you Becca. :) But since I don't hold grudges, ever, the feelings only last a few seconds. Then I repent and am exceedingly happy for them.

25. I live parts of my life vicariously through other people. For example, through my little sister I get to know what it feels like to be an amazing singer. Through my older sister I get fulfillment from having a family. And I live vicariously through people in books all the time. I think I've probably read over 5000 pages in more than 10 books since I got here a month ago.

26. I am matapang. And I like it that way.

So, now you know more about me than you probably ever wanted to. Have a great day.

What a RUSH!

I just submitted my paper...3 minutes before midnight in Utah. :D But it was in and it was in on the 30th. This was cutting it a little close, even for me and I work well under pressure. I spent a lot of time on preparing it and even when I had all my information together and had an outline and was trying to write it, I had to fight for every word. I didn't get any kind of a break. :) Usually when I write a paper, once I have all the pieces, it just kind of falls together and makes sense. Well, not this bugger...anyway it's done! I have officially completed all the coursework that I need in order to get a diploma. YAY!

To Clarify...

Allow me clarify that when I said that I can't be pushed and that I was feeling "rebellious," this was not a conscious decision. It is a pattern that was occuring in my life sub-consciously and I just simply recognized it. I am trying to stop. The fact that this sounded a bit childish and immature as they thought that I was "willfully deciding not to act" just because I wanted to be stubborn was pointed out to me this morning by my parents (who have not, in fact, read my blog for months). Yesterday just HAD to be the day they decided to look at it... thanks, Fate. :)

So I print this clarification of intent because I did not mean to offend anyone, even though I obviously did. I'm sorry.

Me

What is it about us as humans, or at least me, as a human, that makes me so darn stubborn? Instead of working on a paper that I've known for 6 weeks is due tomorrow, I have done at least 7 other things today:

• I read Born in Shame by Nora Roberts...all 400 pages of it.
• I cleaned, I mean deep-cleaned, my home.
• I played with the love-of-my-life (of course I meant my dog).
• I sat in my hammock.
• I went to my parents' house to access the internet for my paper...BIG mistake. Here I've sat for 2.75 unproductive hours...unless reading blogs/emails counts as productive.
• I've been thinking about the paper--really I have. I'm almost ready to start it. ;D
• I have wondered what makes me find and read blogs written by people that I don't know...I feel like a stalker, yet incoming reports show absolutely no sign of changing this behavior. :)

I keep thinking I should start on afore mentioned paper, then something inside me rebels and I wonder if I'd done it sooner if I didn't have people constantly reminding me that it's due... I mean, I know it's for my own good and I appreciate that they care. I've come to the conclusion that I am a person that can't be pushed--God help anyone who tries.

So, I probably won't sleep tonight, meaning I will be groggy tomorrow as I tutor my tutoree in chemistry...and I hope that crankiness caused by lack of sleep doesn't register on the drug test I have to take tomorrow for my new job.

Acclimation

I think that I did a pretty darn good job of acclimating to the drastic weather changes I encountered in Utah when I first moved out there...and I DID NOT acclimate as well after my mission. I just felt not-quite-up-to-par most days...

I am proud to report that since moving back to a milder climate, I feel much better most of the time and it felt so good today to take a deep breath of humid air, feel great, and run around with my dog....in a t-shirt. :) Yay.

Inauguration 2009

President Obama is a great speaker. He made lots of promises not only to the american people, but also to the world this morning. I HOPE more than believe him to be sincere in most of these. I do, however, still hold hope that he lives up to the standards of his self-proclaimed christianity and utilizes the power he holds over the hearts of the american people to do good and lead our country to a good place. We shall see. Should he be capable of tearing down the boundaries between Republicans and Democrats, blacks and whites, poor and rich, or educated and uneducated, as he has professed to attempt, I will be proud to call him my President. God Bless America.

*At least he seems to have learned how to put his hand over his heart.

Well

For anyone who grows up in an area where most people say "Mormon...what's that?" I would like to simply say that I have returned from the Land of Abundant Mormons to the Land where Single Men Don't Exist...and I have survived my first tri-stake YSA activity (about 40 people came...three stakes...really...). And I may have actually almost enjoyed myself...and I met some interesting people. How about that? Eat your heart out, Provo.

Simple Pleasures

Thunderstorms

• I have missed these little monsters tremendously and even though my new abode has a less-than-solid foundation, I slept like a baby through the thunderstorms this weekend.

Grandma

• The more time I spend with Grandma, the more I realized I've missed her. She told me last night that visiting with me and knowing I lived close by was the best thing she's felt since......she couldn't remember anything better. :)

Pinochle

• Contrary to popular belief, pinochle is NOT an old person's game...I could beat my parents at it when I was 8 (we start 'em young down here ;).

Solitude

• I love living alone (except for my exceptionally cute dog). I love stepping out of my house to total and complete, almost eery, darkness every night. I love that I have 50 acres that I can wander any time I need to think--and it has a pond with a pier if I need to fish or just sit and think. I love that ANYTHING requires at least a 15 minute drive...I love to drive!

Deli Sandwiches

• I can't think of anything better* for lunch than a good deli-sliced sun-dried tomato turkey sandwich with real mayo, French's mustard, dill pickle slices and Colby-Jack cheese on a 7 grain whole grain honey bread eaten with Tostitos Lime Chips. *sigh*

*except for a toasted bacon and tomato sandwich with mayo during tomato season... :)

Pixie

• My new little chihuahua/yorkie cross is the sweetest thing and helps ease a little of the ache of being 25 and single. I love her to death already and am so grateful she sleeps with me. Whenever she sees me, she makes is clear to everyone that I am her whole world and being that to anyone is worth every second of dedication required and every penny she costs me.

In her defense, she was asleep when I just woke her to take this pic...I'll post better ones later when I have some. :D

Well, hmmpfh.

Well, hmmpfh. That's all I gotta say. hmmpfh.

...hmmmm....

I am an Auburn fan. And as anyone from west of the Mississippi knows, that means that I would rather cut off my right arm than root for Alabama. Well, here I sit in a moral dilemma--Alabama is playing Utah. You might ask yourself, well, which is the least of the two evils...

With 5 minutes left in the 2nd quarter, I'm rooting for Alabama. I've discovered that the only team I like less than Alabama is Utah. So for all you Utahns out there who keep sending me text messages gloating over your brief lead: you ain't seen nothing yet. No team from the Mountain West Conference could possible know how to play football like teams from the SEC do. So watch out, we're coming for ya.