Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Hello, World

How ya been? It feels like forever, and just yesterday at the same time, since I've been active on the blogging network...or any social network at all. I guess I'm ready to try to offer an explanation:

I'm sick. I don't mean I've-got-a-cold-and-need-a-good-pot-of-soup sick, but that I've developed a disease that is life-changing. Myasthenia Gravis. It's one of those things you hear about and thank God that 'you're healthy and don't have to deal with' things. I have a severe case affecting peripheral muscles, mainly. I've been battling it for 23 months now and my life will never be the same. Overnight, it seems, I went from being a normal, healthy, rock-climbing, horseback-riding, scuba diving girl to being essentially bedridden and completely incapacitated. It sucks.

I've often wondered why i chose to isolate myself from my friends and deal with this alone instead of leaning on them for support throughout this hellish ordeal...and the best reason I can come up with is pride. I've been so ashamed.

Now, I have the intelligence and knowledge to understand my condition medically, and I know that it's not my fault. I couldn't have prevented it, autoimmune disorders choose victims indiscriminately without rhyme or reason. But being the independent soul that I am, I couldn't stand for people who knew me as healthy to see me crippled and torn down.

I've been coming to terms with all of this and God and I have interesting discussions at times, but I have more good days (emotionally) than bad. However difficult it is to hang on to hope, my faith is strong. Still, I wouldn't be opposed to encouragement, ideas, and support from anyone inclined to offer some. :)

I also plead with you tonight for prayers...I'm having surgery in the morning to remove the thymus gland, and while I have the utmost faith in the capabilities of my surgeon, prayers from friends could only help.