I'm sick. I don't mean I've-got-a-cold-and-need-a-good-pot-of-soup sick, but that I've developed a disease that is life-changing. Myasthenia Gravis. It's one of those things you hear about and thank God that 'you're healthy and don't have to deal with' things. I have a severe case affecting peripheral muscles, mainly. I've been battling it for 23 months now and my life will never be the same. Overnight, it seems, I went from being a normal, healthy, rock-climbing, horseback-riding, scuba diving girl to being essentially bedridden and completely incapacitated. It sucks.
I've often wondered why i chose to isolate myself from my friends and deal with this alone instead of leaning on them for support throughout this hellish ordeal...and the best reason I can come up with is pride. I've been so ashamed.
Now, I have the intelligence and knowledge to understand my condition medically, and I know that it's not my fault. I couldn't have prevented it, autoimmune disorders choose victims indiscriminately without rhyme or reason. But being the independent soul that I am, I couldn't stand for people who knew me as healthy to see me crippled and torn down.
I've been coming to terms with all of this and God and I have interesting discussions at times, but I have more good days (emotionally) than bad. However difficult it is to hang on to hope, my faith is strong. Still, I wouldn't be opposed to encouragement, ideas, and support from anyone inclined to offer some. :)
I also plead with you tonight for prayers...I'm having surgery in the morning to remove the thymus gland, and while I have the utmost faith in the capabilities of my surgeon, prayers from friends could only help.
